For those of you following along at home, we’ve moved out of the Great Venue Hunt and the search for The Dress, knocking out three of the big five decisions couples have to make while planning for their wedding. With the photographer and the DJ left to pick, I’m very excited that we have a consultation tomorrow with one of the photographers we’re considering. Other than a few smaller details, like the style of the invitations, ceremony decor, and centerpieces, I feel like we’re moving at a pretty good pace.
Shortly after we got engaged, my mom found something for me and Brian while she was browsing Pinterest. It was a list of 100 questions couples should discuss before they get married, adapted from Don’t You Dare Get Married Before You Read This! The Book of Questions for Couples by Corey Donaldson. Before really taking a look at it, I was a bit skeptical, and honestly, I thought it was corny. In the past, I’ve rolled my eyes at magazine articles or posts about “getting to know your spouse better” or “learn what your partner is thinking.” After the new year, Brian and I started looking at the questions together, and I was surprised at how insightful it has been.
She found this list from a (now retired) blog called Love the Grows, and Bethany, the author, talked about getting this list during her first semester of college in her marriage class. (I didn’t know that was a thing. What?) Like her, I felt like 100 questions all at once would be overwhelming, so we go through it maybe one section at a time. However, if the question was in-depth, or brought up an important discussion, we might only go over four or five. The sections in this questionnaire include sex/love/romance, the past, trust, the future, children, annoyances, communication, finances, and miscellaneous queries.
So far we’ve talked about what love means to each of us, things in our pasts to be aware of, how we will resolve conflicts in our relationship, and how we plan to raise any children we may have. Of the sections we’ve worked through, we’ve spent the longest amount of time going over questions about children, and I think we both learned a lot about each other from it. We’ll be getting into “Annoyances” next, which should be fairly interesting.
The thing about these questions is that there isn’t a yes or no answer to them. Plus, you’ve likely never thought about them in the context of your marriage, much less discussed them with your partner. Honesty is always the best policy when it comes to relationships, and if you’re expecting to be in this particular one for a while, now is a great time to start if, for some reason, you haven’t been already. Not that you’re being dishonest with your person, but by never talking about The Big Issues, you can’t possibly know their thoughts or feelings on a given situation.
Here’s a brief overview of some of the questions included in the list:
- What is the best way for me to show that I love you?
- Do you think being in love means: (1) Never having to say you’re sorry, (2) Always having to say you’re sorry, (3) Knowing when to say you’re sorry, or (4) Being the first to say I’m sorry?
- If your past boyfriends/girlfriends listed your most negative characteristics, what would they be?
- How are we different? Could this be a source of future conflict? Do our differences complement each other?
- Is there anything you would regret not being able to do or accomplish if you married me?
- Do you anticipate raising our children (1) the same way you were raised (2) completely differently from the way you were raised (3) a mixture of both?
- How long would you like to wait before having children?
- When do you need space away from me?
- Do you feel stress when facing financial problems? How do you deal with that stress?
- What influence, if any, do you believe my family should have on our relationship?
- When you are in a bad mood, how should I deal with it?
Be sure to check out Love the Grows’ post for the rest of the questions, including a printable list of all of them. I know I feel like we’ve been learning more about each other as a couple and as individuals through these questions. If you like this post, be sure to like my blog on Facebook!